It was difficult to sleep last night. No one wants to say goodnight to a day where they saw a dream come true. You see, yesterday, I saw a dream materialize that I'd had since childhood. I saw my the first tangible copy of my first novel. After far too long of waiting and wondering, postponing and pushing it all to the side, I finally decided to publish. Was it easy? Not at all. Will I do it again? Absolutely.
I have to do it. It's everything I am and everything I've ever wanted to be. Even when I didn't understand why I had to write, I did. And I've saved almost every scrap of notebook paper, stationery, journal, and post it note that I've ever written a poem or started a short story on. From the time I was around nine years old. I have stacks and stacks.
So why did it take me so long to make my dreams come true? Well, there's not any one certain reason. Mostly, I suppose I didn't believe in myself. It still shocks me that people would want to read what I write. I've always wanted to share, but after college, I became apprehensive again. I assumed it might be some childhood fantasy that would eventually disappear. But it never did. I moved on with my life, had children, moved to another city and took on a couple more children, and settled into domesticated life. And as much as I love and always have loved my family, there was always a nagging feeling inside of me that I was missing something.
It was finally around four years ago when I told a friend that I wrote, and he asked to see some examples. There might have only been a handful of people that had ever seen my work. I hid it all. And I reluctantly took some examples to him, and to my surprise, he really enjoyed reading them. It made me wonder if I might actually ever find my way back one day...to writing, and maybe...maybe...even sharing it. I wrote a few poems and notes and blogs, but not much else. Until I discovered NaNoWriMo in November 2010.
NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writer's Month. The challenge is to write a minimum of 50,000 words in the form of a novel within the 30 days of November. I didn't think I would make it that first year, but I did. With a story idea I had in 1989. Still sitting in a folder. I had the idea at work one day and wrote it down to save it. So I made my 50,000 word goal that month, saved the document, and went on with my life. Again.
Then came November 2011, and I decided to try again. Although by this time I had a couple of obstacles. I had tried to start writing a journal of visiting different cemeteries. Almost as soon as I started that in July 2011, I collapsed one day in the middle of Huntsville's most beautiful cemetery, Maple Hill. I was told to walk with a cane until my knee replacement a few months later. I was a bit depressed, and felt uninspired to participate in NaNoWriMo that year, but still made my goal of 50,000 words. And when I was done, I saved the document, and went on with my life. Again.
The year 2012 brought many events and activities. Some I expected, some I didn't. I had a knee replacement in March. My youngest of four children graduated high school in May. And I traveled to as many cemeteries as I could in different states to continue my dream of publishing my cemetery book. My knee was, and still is, a challenge to deal with. But I am stubborn. So I kept going. Then it was sometime around late August when something changed.
I had an idea. I wrote down a few words and tucked them away safely. And in those words lived a young woman who I decided to name Rose. I thought of what a book cover would look like, and what Rose might actually look like, and all the things she might encounter. And on November 1, 2012, I began to write. But this NaNoWriMo was different. The words begin to flow, and unlike the past two years where it took me the entire month to meet my word goal, I met it just over halfway into November. And rather than saving the document and moving on with my life, again, I kept writing. And I kept writing. And then, there was Rose, in her entirety. I finished writing the story just before the end of the year. And 2013 brought the challenge of editing it to publish.
There was something, thank goodness, about Rose that made me realize it was time. Time to stop waiting. Time to share the words. Time to make my dreams come true. So many friends and family have died without realizing their own dreams. I just wanted to fight to see if it could happen to me before my time here is up. And so, Rose was born.
So, what's next? Well, there's all those stacks of papers I've been saving for years. They hold ideas I've had and secrets I've forgotten, and they all have the possibilities of yielding characters for future works. And that novel idea from 1989 that I used for NaNoWriMo 2010? Well, I'm editing it now and I hope to publish it in a few months. I may have hidden all those stacks of papers away for too long, but at least I didn't lose them or throw them away. They've always been, and will always remain, some of my most valuable possessions.
Rose will always be special to me though, because she changed me. She gave me courage, and a voice, so I gave her wings. Whatever else I write, I will always owe to Rose. On her own.
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